From the looks of it, I haven't written anything since mid-LAST year and for that, I suck. I can't even tell you what I've been up to or why I haven't written anything because God knows I've had plenty to bitch about. I think for the most part, it just boils down to pure, unadulterated laziness.....and the fact that my kids have yet again, cracked my laptop screen. *sigh* I mean, it still works and if you resize the browser and set it strategically under the cracks, you can still see....but for me, I absolutely fuckin' hate it. Too distracting for my mind to let go and roam freely....so that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
The year for me has started off, eeeehhhh.... semi-sorta ok. I mean, I don't have anything to complain about. Well, I do....but....who cares? Yes, I still see loads of bullshit that chaps my hind parts but *shrug*, I don't know.....I guess with my "getting older, caring less" phase, I just rather let it go.
I didn't set any resolutions for the new year because 1.) I do not keep them and 2.) Keep them, I do not. HAHAHAHAHA..... ahhhh well......so much for setting goals.
So that's where I started...with answering that million dollar question. Cha-ching!!
First, I had to get to the root of my evils.
Have you ever just been in a place in your life, you take a look around and unbeknownst to you - you discover that you've grown complacent and comfortable in your complacency? Yeah? Well, that's sort of me. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm NOT comfortable but the past that I've had, it's been easy to just......"be still". It's like, I'm almost afraid to do anything outside of my "normal" because I'm scared that the minute something starts feeling "good" and going well - some ugly harsh reality of life will come and screw it all up again. I've come through a lot of shit with having been diagnosed with depression and panic/anxiety disorder to show for it. I know for sure if I hadn't gotten "help"....I could have, quite possibly, snapped and ended up on the corner in 30 degree weather, in booty shorts, a fur hat, rain boots, clown make-up (including rainbow wig), singing Broadway show tunes with a British accent. But because I didn't, I really don't have an excuse to being stuck.
I did actually decide towards the end of the year - as a result of a grand epiphany that since SO many people confide in me for my opinions and advice, that I could very well do it for a living. Yeah! THAT'S IT! *lightbulb*....I can get paid to listen to people and their problems! The truth about it..... I actually enjoy and appreciate that my little ol' insight has been helpful to many people through the years. And with less than 2 years to go to finish my degree, why not finish with Psychology. I'm already in the medical field....so.....it just seems natural. So, I went to visit a college counselor and it ACTUALLY seemed like an achievable goal. I requested all my transcripts from my previous institutions and when it was time enroll in classes: FULL!! EVERY last class - CLOSED to enrollment. WTF!?! I started looking at the enrollment for classes that I don't even need....CLOSED! WHHHHHHAAATTT??? C'mon!!!
If this isn't the worst technicality to throw at a procrastinator, I don't know what is! It's like, how in the hell do I survive on this goal until the next semester. Don't they know, I'll find another warm cubby whole in the land of Lazy or some other crafting or beading project and find refuge??? Somebody is surely out to destroy me.
But alas, I will stay on target. I have to....cuz ain't nobody gonna do it for me.
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