"Iyanla - Fix my life...but make me look good"......

We will all have to face our demons, our vices and our excuses at some point in our lives.  Sometimes, its just before we close our eyes for the last time.   Each and every day you are blessed to walk, breathe and live on this side of the dirt, you know what those are.

So, let me just say this....because I may be biased in my opinion as it pertains to Iyanla Vanzant.  I have long followed her career and her teachings. I know that she is NOT the Bible.  HOWEVER, she doesn't profess to be and for anybody that should speak ill of her ways/her character - it's not about HER.  It's about you.  So let's be very clear.... if YOU think she thinks she's a certain thing....how do you know what SHE thinks?  Did you hear her declare it?  Similarly, when people crinkle their noses up at me and say..."She thinks she's cute."  Quite honestly, I don't  BUT obviously, you do!  *shrug*  I've learned a long time ago... you've gotta let people own their own trash.  Don't go rummaging through their filth.

What sparked me to write this blog is because recently, on Iyanla, Fix My Life - she met with DMX and Sheree Whitfield. If you had a chance to see it, you know these "interventions" didn't go so well.  DMX called her everything but a child of God and well, I didn't even bother to watch Sheree's episode.   I guess I'll have to watch it from DVR.  Today, I saw the headline that Sheree was very displeased with how she "looked" on the episode.  That she, like DMX, was "coerced" into the show under false pretenses.  DMX said that he agreed to do the show to help with his "addiction" to women.  Sheree said she'd do the show to help the "co-parenting" relationship with her estranged husband.

I'm sorry but how do you fix a thing if you don't know what's wrong?  So you have a problem with women, DMX and you wanted to know why? Don't be mad at her for showing you YOURSELF to help you see why.  Everything is cause and effect. You had a shitty childhood, with a wonderful Grandmother that loved you no matter what, fell in love with your wife and a drug problem....add a dash of celebrity and a shitload of money to the mix....sprinkled with groupies...and here you have your answer...BUT instead of ACKNOWLEDGING you wouldn't shut your mouth long enough to hear out your son.  Yeah, great job dad.  He's trying to tell you why HE feels the way he feels about you and all you can do is over talk him and tell him he's wrong for the way HE perceived his childhood with you.  Yep.  Golden star for listening.

As far as Ms. Sheree.... honey, the way you acted on RHOA....do you really think women would be eager to be apart of anything you put together?

"...Sheree’ is committed to empowering and inspiring single moms, divorced moms, and other women dealing with relationship and co-parenting issues. She is working on launching her own foundation which emphasizes the importance of emotional and physical wellness for all women..." (excerpt taken from Love B.Scott)

If you are afraid to be real with yourself and call foul when somebody tried to help you see YOUR ways, why would I believe anything you have to say?  I'm just saying, I'm not interested in any information that she would ever advise about relationships.  Now, her body was nice so if physical wellness is about looking good.... hey, sign me up!  But she need to stay in her lane.  You can't get it right with your own self so good luck with that venture.

I think what it boils down to with everybody running to Iyanla and then can't take the truth is because it truly is about SEEING WHO YOU REALLY ARE in the equation.  BEING HONEST with yourself.  You can lie to the world....but you really do yourself an extreme disservice.  Lying to yourself only make you defensive, on guard and ready to strike because you fear exposure.  That FEAR shows up as neglect, dishonesty, untrustworthy, drug abuse and bad relationships.... but they don't get that.

So, I  can only appreciate what Iyanla attempted to do for these people and anybody else that seeks her guidance but if you're not willing to do the work.... why bother?

Eye for an I.....

By now I'm sure many of you have heard about the manhunt for Christopher Jordan Dorner.  If not, here's a link to the story:

Rogue Cop - The Manhunt

*sigh*

I didn't really pay attention to the headlines at first.  I thought it was another "civilian" gone mad....but it got interesting enough for me to pay attention when I realized it was a cop who was on this actual killing rampage.  Why did that make it worthwhile to begin to follow?  Well, cops are suppose to be the good guys and a cop turning on cops....*shrug*....is interesting.  Now, I'm like, "WHAT made him snap"? So, I'm paying a little bit more attention to it.

I have read some of his manifesto.  It's pretty long....but here's the link if you want to read it.  Honestly, it's far too much for me to read and ain't nobody got time for that...but I think I got the jest of it.  

So.....what do I think?

Thanks Tupac.  I couldn't have said it better myself.

If you didn't watch the video, basically what he said was and I'm SO putting this into my own words:

"I asked nicely more than once, more than twice....I'm tired of asking...so now you're just gonna give me what I want....by any means necessary".

Horrible summation so you should probably hear him say it....plus.....the visual is much better.

Hate me if you will, but it's the truth.

I DO NOT - DO NOT - DO NOT condone what he's doing but....*thinking*  I guess I can see how and why he snapped.  Is it really a secret of how corrupt LAPD is?  If it is, where the hell have you been?

I've always heard about this "code" - basically that cops don't rat out other cops.  No matter what it is:  Drug abuse, drug trafficking, sexual exploitation, domestic violence....even murder.  So if anybody goes against the grain of that, they're cast out of the circle and blackballed, for life.  When good guys become the real bad guys, the real good guys become the bad guys for not being the good guys to protect the bad guys that want to look like good guys.  A little confusing but I'm sure you got it.....or you just didn't want to get it.  It's irony at it's finest.

So, Dorner's position of fighting for his name and honor - for doing what was "right" through all these years, fighting for the freedoms and protection of our country, only to be blackballed and unable to work because his name, his reputation, his legacy has been tarnished......*thinking*.....yeah, I could the desperation and frustration, the feeling of being slapped in the face. If he had children, they will suffer from this too....so yeah, this is a dark hole with no light.   I don't think he's going about it the right way....but who's going to listen to him.  Who's gonna give him the opportunity to live/leave this life with dignity?

Nobody.

Especially not now.  

He has nothing to lose.

Yeah, he could have gone away without this HORRIFIC situation at hand.  NOBODY should be dead right now....nobody!!  So please don't misconstrue my words to support his actions in any way.....EVER.  I think killing people to make a point is the DUMBEST thing that ANYBODY could ever do.  Beside, there's no point in me saying, he deserves to be punished so severely even it if means the death penalty because as far as he's concerned, he died a long time ago and I'm not foolish enough to think he's coming out of this alive...taken by his hand or theirs.

Let this be yet another reason why stiffer gun laws are necessary and let this be a reminder to the police officers who take an OATH to uphold the law, protect the people of each and every borough, ghetto, city, town, state, crack and/or crevice, that YOU are not above the law,  you're under it just like the rest of us....not everybody will or want to abuse their authority!

The real sad part about this story.....not even that innocent people have died......but that innocent people will die.  Innocent people will still be hurt, killed, mistreated by these kinds of cops and 9-11 calls will continued to be ignored or taken when "they're ready to respond".  The sad part is that bad cops will still unlawfully detain and exercise excessive force on detainees.  The sad part is that ALL of these allegations will be swept back under the rug....again.  This unfortunate situation will be just another blip on the radar of "unfortunate situations".

“Tempt not a desperate man.”

William Shakespeare

My eyes are bleeding!!! INCEPTION!

Happy Wednesday!!

So, I wanted to share with you all a bit of a dream I had.... last night.....or this morning.... I don't know....while I was sleep.

ANYWHO......

What I can remember, I was washing makeup off of my face and I believe there was a guy with me...and I think it was somebody that I like....*thinking*....I'm fuzzy on that but while I'm trying to recall what happened, I'm getting the feeling that there was somebody there with me that I didn't want to be embarrassed and I'm feeling "love" or "affection".....that fuzzy feeling when you're around somebody you like.....yeah, that's the feeling that I'm having right now.

So, why this person is around me while I'm cleaning my face, I have no idea.  Because 1.) my hygiene maintenance is sacred private time... and 2.)  If I'm with a person that I'm crushing on....ain't NO way I'm taking off my makeup! hahahahaha  so you know this was a dream. hahahahaha!   So anyway, I'm wiping my eyes and I guess my fingernail cut the inside of my eyelid.  Blood started to pour out from my eye...and I grabbed a towel and went to find somebody to help.  

I found my dad and although I don't remember seeing her....I know my mom was there....because I could feel her.  So he looked into my eye and he said, "let's go to the hospital".  My mom (yeah, I see her now)....says, "Let me look" and when I lifted my eyelid, blood spilled out, running down my face, dripping to the carpet.  

Well, that's about as much as I remember but when I got to work today, I decided to look up the symbolic meaning of "bleeding eyes".  I'm very much into dream interpretation so I found it to be very interesting that it said this: 

Bleeding Eyes (Via Dream Moods)
To dream that your eyes are bleeding symbolizes the sacrifices your have made and the difficulties you have endured. Alternatively, the dream signifies some very deep pain or internal conflict within your soul. Although you may not feel any physical pain, you are hurting inside. Perhaps you have been hiding the pain for so long that you forgot what pain feels like. There is some unrest or uneasiness within which needs to be addressed and resolved immediately.

And on Go To Horoscope - Dream Dictionary

When you dream about eyes, the dream may be telling you that you need to literally look within yourself for an important answer to a problem you may be having, or that the answer you seek may have been right before your eyes all along. Alternatively, dreaming about one eye usually means that you are being too one sided on a particular viewpoint, and maybe you should open yourself up to new perspectives. 

If you knew me and my journey..... you would know why I'm all like "WOW" right now.  You'd know why this all makes sense to me. My life has been of many sacrifices and within the last 10 years or so, I've lost people that I just didn't think would ever go away and when they did, I didn't know how I'd make it without them.  The lost of my father and my sister, left pain so deep there were moments that I just knew I'd snap.  The internal conflict is very familiar and personal.  There's some current family situations that do have my uneasy and I guess the message from the dream is to get them resolved....and NOW! I just don't know if I should say something... or just let it go....if I do say something...how do I say it.....it's just a lot.....*sigh*

I have always been pretty intuitive.....and I get messages a lot in my dreams. I noticed this "gift" when I was about 11, or 12.  My grandmother was killed in a train crash and that was the first time I EVER really dealt with death and dying.  So one night after she had been buried... I had a dream I went to visit her.  It felt soooo real.  Now mind you, this dream was over 25 years ago....and I remember it like I just had it last week!  The message she left with me, came to be......and when it did......I just cried....because she told me....in my dream.....it would happen.

I guess this is probably why I enjoyed the movie Inception so much. I know to some of you the concept of thinking was SO far out that it got confusing....and the only thing that I didn't "accept" was them being able to get into each others dreams.  But the general premise of how dreams work....I was so into it.

So, I think I better.....pay attention to this.... and act accordingly.

Have you ever had a dream.....that came true?

How many more??

I don't really know how to start this one off today.  I mean, I know the psuedo-theme of what this blog appear to be:

 me getting on my high horse to rant about something....I know I may look like just another angry, foul-mouthed, deeply opinionated Black chick with nothing better to do with herself but complain....and for the sake of argument and because I need you to really LISTEN to what I'm saying on this particular post, *shrug*......ok.  I can accept that.

But in my defense, I really do try to bring a message or simply an alternative way of thinking about a certain thing.  You know, some food for thought....even something to spark a debate.  I love a good debate.  Did you know that even if we don't agree, it's ok.  That's what makes the world go 'round.  It's shaped like a circle for a reason. I'm just saying.....

So I guess, in theory, this post would be pretty much the same because well,.....I'm MAD. I may even curse.  I have very STRONG opinions about this "gun law" topic that's been so heavy in the news....And if that makes me a one trick pony....then lets start the show!

Hadiya Pendleton, gunned down in Chicago.

How many more?  How many more children will we lose to gun violence?  How many more mothers/fathers will weep over their child's remains, plan funerals and live the rest of their days  wondering....why, my baby?  How many more?  How many more friends will have to pull out pictures and say, "I remember when we...." or "When we grew up, we were going to..."?  How many more memorials erect on our street corners?  How many more candles will be burned? How many more headlines must we read and shake our heads in disbelief? How many more news segments must we watch in horror? How many more?  I'm asking... Who's shoulder must it be, that's looked over with fear before we say, "enough is enough"?

Not long ago, I was talking with my kids and just out of curiosity and concerned, I asked them, "Are you afraid at all with all of the random things that happen out there? Are you....desensitized to death"?  Their answers were  heartbreaking, to say the least.  Do you know how it feels to look in you're children's eyes and listen when they say:

"It's real out here. Any day or any time we go to school or a function or whatever, you can get clapped. You gotta know who to roll with.... I know who to roll with.  You always gotta keep somebody in the circle that's holding...you don't know what's gonna pop off these days. But hey...if I die, I die. But I'm not gonna live my life in fear.  If that was the case, I'd be scared to go outside."

Do you know how it feels to hear that....and know that even though they continued on, teasing me about being the worried, protective, doting mother that I am, whilst imitating my "scared" voice and over exaggerating EVERY thing about me.....I had to "laugh" it off but my whole entire heart bled.  How is it that MY children are so nonchalant about death and dying by violence? More shockingly for me that THEY ACTUALLY KNOW and have friends that carry! A while back, I let my son go to "a function"...and if you don't know, that's what the kids call house parties today.  Well, during this party some kids came, started reppin' hoods and as expected gun fire rang out.  My son, retold what happened, said he was close enough to see see the strobe lights from guns being discharged.  He told me that he and a friend ran to a nearby friend's house and waited about an hour before he called to be picked up....just so my mother, wouldn't drive into a live show down.  Proud, that he was fast to leave and get to safety and proud that he considered my mother's safety so he waited til it all settled down but ANY one of those bullets could have been a police call to ME telling me to come identify a body. The body of MY child.....and for me, these are the shoulders that are being looked over that make ME say, "enough is enough"!  My children do NOT live in Beirut!

***

People are pushing back so hard against gun laws, saying it's in our Constitution to "bear arms"....yeah...well, it is....but the Constitution was also written in 1787, when guns were...."necessary".  Necessary for the enslavement of people and necessary for the protection and/or acquisition of land and maybe, even necessary for shootin' a little food. There aren't any horse riding, bandanna wearing, gun slinging bandits, charging in our towns on dusty roads.  There will be no showdowns at high noon. Guns back then were necessary for intimidation.  In 2013,  we have other efficient, non-violent means of doing these things, so I don't think we have those issues anymore....or do we?  

Yeah. Chew on that for a minute....Eat it. Digest it and tell me what comes out on the other end....

I'll wait.

Bullshit?  Right?  Yeah, I thought so.

Look.  I'm not trying to make this a racial issue at all. It's SOOOOOOO far from "race" it's ridiculous. Although with each soul lost or some tragic event of gun violence that surround minority youths, some how it's not a big deal. Yes, I've seen comments time and time again that take it there (some sad soul trolling articles) but people, really....this is a GOVERNMENT issue.

Trayvon Martin

I know why they won't change anything initially written in the Constitution.  Because once you change one thing in the Constitution, then ALL things that have been written in the Constitution can be changed.  And that my friends,  is something we don't want for ourselves. NONE of US.  Sorry to say it....but it is....what it is.

HOWEVER, FEDERAL LAWS CAN BE MADE to walk sooooo fine the line of what is constitutional and what is not... They CANpass laws that will make it nearly impossible for people to get guns. Then the next step is how do we get these guns off the streets and out of the hands of our children....or the bad guys?  I dont' think that's a beast anybody is ready to tame.  Lazy, I guess.

(I know there's black market money that feed into the government....I know this "no gun thing" would put a dent in somebody's pocket.)

The one thing I hate to hear is "Guns don't kill people. People kill people".
NO!! People with GUNS kill people!
I remember giving my mother this motivational speech once because she desperately wants my niece to lose weight.  "Well, she can't eat what you don't buy" and I feel the same about this NRA motto!  Seriously, can you shoot somebody if you don't have a gun? Makes sense to me.... duh!  Cause and Effect..... something we all learned in school and something so many haven't even lived long enough to take the test on.

When I was coming up, WE knew who had guns....we also knew these were the "bad guys". They had guns because everybody wanted to be "GANGSTA"....then it got to be....well, if he got a gun - I got a gun.......everybody wanna be GANGSTA.....then the guns started going off.   I can think back to my old neighborhood and seriously, EVERYBODY is dead.....by gun violence. I just saw a picture a childhood friend posted on Facebook of the boys on the block....and how sad it was to see them all....and one by one, I pointed out.....he's dead.....he's dead....he's dead..... *Sigh*

It ain't right.....

I believe that if you aren't protecting the US President or a fighting military soldier, you don't NEED a gun.

BUT I'M A SPORTS HUNTER AND I NEED MY RIFLE!! 
Rent 'em and return 'em.

BUT I LIKE TO GO TO THE SHOOTING RANGE!!!
Rent 'em and return 'em.

BUT I WANT TO PROTECT MY HOUSE AND MY FAMILY!!
Intruder - Beat 'em and return 'em!

Hell, in my perfect world, the police wouldn't even have guns!  With all of the trigger happy, scared, over-reacting police out there....THEY need their guns taken too!  But like I said.  They're scared....scared because the people they take an oath to protect have guns and the bad guys they need to catch have even BIGGER guns!   Why would my neighbor need an AK-47????

Oscar Grant

*******

I know this may seem like an unrealistic fantasy and stupid to some of you but to me it's not. 

YOU just don't want to see the possibility of a world that doesn't include gun violence.  It's scary, huh?  We've been doing it so long....living in violence...taking stuff that don't belong to us...how would we manage?

At least we could live another day to try it again if today didn't work out.

*every bit of sarcasm was intended*

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I hear that another kid has been murdered, the fear in my heart for my own children is nearly overwhelming.  I know that these taken away from the world, could have just as easily been mine. They could have been yours.  Do you get that??  Do you understand that each one of these lives create a path towards your very own door?? How many more will be lost before it reaches you?

They all have names:

Baby Hiram Lawrence

Hadiya Pendleton, Trayvon Martin, Charlotte Bacon, Daniel Barden, Rachel Davino, Olivia Engel, Josephine Gay, Ana M. Marquez-Greene, Dylan Hockley, Dawn Hochsprung, Madeleine F. Hsu, Catherine V. Hubbard, Chase Kowalski, Jesse Lewis, James Mattioli ,Grace McDonnell,  Anne Marie Murphy,  Emilie Parker, Jack Pinto,  Noah Pozner, Caroline Previdi,  Jessica Rekos, Avielle Richman,   Lauren Rousseau,  Mary Sherlach, Victoria Soto,  Benjamin Wheeler, Allison N. Wyatt, Jonathan Blunk, Alexander J. Boik, Jesse Childress, Gordon Cowden, Jessica Ghawi, John Larimer, Matt McQuinn, Micayla Medek, Veronica Moser-Sullivan, Alex Sullivan, Alexander C. Teves, Rebecca Wingo  and SO many more...... THEY ALL HAVE NAMES!

Newtown, CT

Columbine, CO

Junior Seau

Jovan Belcher & Kasandra Perkins